In 1962, Irv Kloska and Bonnie Kowrach stood in St. Adalbert's Basilica in Grand Rapids and pledged their lives to each other. More than 40 years and 13 children later, their family has grown to more than 70 members... and counting. With this blog we keep in touch and share our thoughts - much like we have always done around our kitchen table. But like our table, friends are always invited. Welcome!
Isn't it amazing how time heals pain?
So, today was the 3rd anniversary of Johnny's death. The first year after he died we all got together on this day. Last year, half of us did. This year, I was the lone family memeber kneeling at his grave (a really powerful prayer time for me, though -so I was very thankful for the solitude.) Not a day goes by that I don't think of Johnny -and I'm sure that is true of most of my brothers and sisters too. Does the fact that the 'bleeding' of our hearts has stopped mean that we have forgotten? Absolutely not. Johnny has just become a normal part of our lives -not at his gravesite or in his old room -but in our everyday lives and homes. He is a normal part of our lives in a new way than he was before -he is always present to us from heaven. At least that is how it is for me.
Jesus is our model for suffering love. And although His wounds were still present after His resurrection -they were transformed. And I think that is what Jesus has been doing in each of our souls the past 3 years. Jesus allowed Johnny's death to wound each of us in a deep and unique way in order to open us up to His Love in a new way. He allowed our hearts to be 'cut' so that He could enter and transform us. Think about how a normal wound to our body heals -over time new cells form to close it and if it is deep enough a scar is left. In the same way, over the past 3 years Jesus has been doing a 'new work' in each of our hearts in order to help heal our wounds from Johnny's death. These wounds were like new, empty cups created within us where Jesus could come and pour out His transforming Love. I like the 'scar' left on my heart over Johnny's death. It keeps him close to me. And it keeps me close to Jesus. It is a good reminder to me that this life is nothing compared to the next. It reminds me that relationships and human love in this world are nothing compared to the sort of Love we will all share in the next world. This 'wound' to our family (of Johnny's death) has suddenly, quietly, hiddenly, become a grace.
I do not cry anymore when I think of Johnny -I don't feel guilty that my things are now moved into his old room, or that I left the cemetary singing a 'Thank you, Jesus' song I learned in Nigeria. Jesus drew Johnny to Himself so that He could draw us to Himself through his death -and because Johnny is closer to Jesus now, we are closer to Him. This morning at Mass I was talking to Claudia Nolan about her first Communion (Claudia was Johnny's only godchild). She said that she knew when she receives Jesus into her heart on May 4th, she not only will be closer to Jesus than she has ever been before -but she also will be closer to 'Uncle Johnny' who is with Jesus. That is true for all of us. Death is a difficult thing at the moment it happens for the people close to the one who died. Death is a difficult thing for one's emotions and mind when we remember that person and we feel an emptiness. But death -not only for the soul of the person who died, but also for those who he leaves behind -is always a beautiful opportunity of joy for one's heart and soul. It is an opportunity for us to take our wounds to Jesus and allow Him -the Healer -to touch us and change us. And as the person we love is drawn into heaven (through God's mercy and through our prayer for him), so are we drawn into God's embrace in a way, along with him. We are closer to God because of that person's life and death. And we also are closer to that person as we come closer to God (since they are together).
I am sure everyone remembered Johnny in some way today. It is easier for most to smile when they think of him now, then it is to cry. For he was a really funny guy and we know that all the sufferings and wounds he endured on earth are GONE -resurrected -he is truly happy. And so, as good Christians, we should be happy for him and with him. If he draws our hearts to think of eternity with God, then it is like he opened a window to heaven so we could get a whiff of 'fresh air'. And so we should be thankful for his life today, as we are thankful for his death. "The good Lord gives and the good Lord takes away -BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!"
I do want to encourage those of us in need of extra help to remember to ask Johnny's intercession and prayers. In Poland so many people pray through his intercession (especially for really practical things) and they say that they are NEVER denied immediate (and sometimes really miraculous) help. He really is still with us. Just last week Bobby called me to ask for prayer because he could not find some papers that were very important. I asked Jesus to help me help Bobby find them. I opened my Bible to a page where Johnny's name and death date were written. I asked his help for Bobby and then called Bobby back (this all took about 5 minutes tops). Bobby had already found the papers he had been searching a long time to find. Just another witness as to how close Johnny still is to us all.
We love you Bro, and we thank Jesus for keeping you so close to us. Really, how far away is heaven? Not that far... just a prayer away.
John Martin Maximillian Kloska
December 28, 1985-April 20, 2005
posted by mary @ 5:39 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
John has been in my thoughts today, too. It really is amazing how something so tragic can, with time, become something positive. I think of him often, remembering the mischief he used to get into along with the more serious moments we spent together, and I thank God for having allowed our lives to cross, if only for a few short years.
It's funny the way God works in our lives--the last time John called me on the phone (three years ago yesterday), I was listening to a tango by the famous Astor Piazzolla... and right now I'm sitting in a university library writing a research paper on that very same composer. Little parallels, little coincidences...
This year, I'm not crying. And I think that's the way John would have wanted it.
The Holy Cross College Mass was offered for Johnny and the Kloska family tonight by Fr. Robert Melnick, OFM Conv. He even talked about him in his homily. Since Johnny used to serve Mass with me in that chapel, I had some very vivid memories come back to me.
Twice during the past two weeks, I've been frustrated and needed something and asked Johnny for help. Both time, it was provided for me. I attribute that to Johnny's prayers.
I too remember the last conversation I had with Johnny. The night before he died I asked John when he wanted my talk with him before he left for the Army, tonight or a week from tonight as he was to leave in a week. He answered tonight dad, and so we stood in the kitchen and talked. I told him that he has always been a follower and this was his opportunity to be a leader in faith. I told him that I was not so concerned about his life, but his soul. We hugged and kissed and told each other that we loved each other. Many tears were shed by both of us during this conversation. This was truly a gift from God that we could have this conversation the night that he died. Johnny was a gift to our entire family, and I thank God for him.
Isn't it funny, dad, how he ended up 'leading us' in a much more profound way than you realized when you told him that?
People who read this and don't know us will be thrown for a loop - since when are Polish people black? Ha ha!
anyone who listens to Dr. Ray might get it. 13 children regardless of how it added up is still awesome. Sorry I never met him
3 years already?
It all goes by so fast.
I have fond memories of Johnny's humor, especially during a certain Spes Unica skit (does anyone still have that videotape?).
I remember getting lost-- 3 times!-- on the way to the wake, to which one of my passengers commented, "The final practical joke... having a wake in Elkhart!"
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