Take your bagels and go home! - Part 2

Adriamycin - the dreaded "A" in the ABVD treatment of Hodgkins Disease

By Theresa Thomas (continued from yesterday)

Are you afraid to suffer? I was. I averted my eyes from disturbing television news, didn’t read disturbing newspaper stories, and left the room when people started talking about suffering and tragic circumstances. I didn’t even watch ‘The Passion’ because of the pain it could cause me. So now, the joke’s on me, I guess. Every other Monday I sit for 4 hours with suffering people I can’t avoid. For heaven sake, the first time I walked into the oncologist’s office I was greeted, over the speakers, with the theme song from ‘The Titanic’! How ironic is that?

I, who once confessed anger with my hair stylist for cutting my hair too short and fixating on that for days, now have to contend with a future of, among other things, a bald head. Poetic justice? Perhaps. Or maybe just God making me stand face to face with the Cross.

When I sit for treatment I imagine the lymph growth melting. I close my eyes and think of the Star Wars music as the droids are blasted to pieces, and I imagine that is what my body, with the help of chemical agents, is doing to the lymphoma.

I need this chemotherapy or I could die, but asthmatics need albuterol or they could die too. Diabetics need insulin or they could die. Those with bacterial infections need antibiotics or they could die. And we all know, because the nature of life, that we could also die on a foggy night in a plane crash, or simply driving home from work, minding our own business, eating a taco. Thank God we live in the time period we do with all the medical accomplishments and technology to help us manage challenges that have plagued mankind from the beginning.

Mary sent me some beautiful thoughts on the fruit of all crosses. One was this: “It is like you are a chalice from which your children drink Jesus' Love. Well your 'cup' was not big enough to hold all the graces they needed to be holy... and God makes our hearts bigger through suffering. Now your heart can hold all the love and graces they need... “

And in this respect, I suppose this is a gift. My journey is just beginning and I will need many prayers for myself and my wonderful husband, and children, but, with God’s help and protection, I will come to see this experience as what God intended it to be for me, my family and you. Now, if you don’t mind, please pass the bagels....

Thought for the day...

Quit complaining about your job - how would you like to be this guy!

Take your bagels and go home!

By Theresa Thomas
Bobby always said that his getting cancer was a gift. I always thought, “Keep it at Hallmark.” That’s one gift I never wanted to open. But the UPS man delivered one day (actually the messenger was Scott Thomas who delivered it with a bag of Panera bagels and cream cheese) and the ‘gift’ is sitting in my lymph node. Like it or not, I had to open the package.

Cancer is a scary word, but it is just a word. It is an umbrella of related but dissimilar diseases with a common denominator of abnormal cell growth. Pancreatic cancer is not Karposi’s sarcoma, is not Hodgkins. It is like we humans all share the common denominator of sin, but our sins are not all the same. Hodgkins is unique from other cancers, and I am coming to view this disease as manageable. It doesn’t fill me with as much panic and fear as it did just 3 weeks ago, which is a testament to your prayers for me, and the outpouring of support you have all given me.

David has been a tremendous, positive support, getting up early in the morning to start and fold the laundry, and putting up a myriad of minor (and major) inconveniences related to this illness. Bobby, some of you might not know, met me the first day of treatment with cheers of “Let’s get started! All right! We’re going to blast this cancer out of you!” It was something I never expected and yet meant so much. Margy (and soon Cheryl) is providing milk for my dear sweet Angela, something I could not do when I was forced to stop nursing on account of treatment. Karen has taken my children and spearheaded the meals for us, Lisa and Jenny and Mike and Jeff have given me pep talks. BJ and Kathy offered help. Joey calls just to check up, and Mary, my dear godchild, in an ironic way, has filled the role as spiritual advisor. And mom and dad, are, well, mom and dad, doing everything imaginable for us. David’s parents too have been a great support. His mom helped me brave wig shopping. How could I have done that alone? And Scott Thomas really went out of his way to expedite tests and make sure the medical care I received was top notch. For about two weeks he checked up on me daily. And there are many other friends and acquaintances, too numerous to mention, who have sent Masses, and food and kind words, and holy cards and pins and wishes for us.

I am slowly transforming from living in complete fear, anger, denial and panic during the first two weeks after my diagnosis to what Bobby has called a ‘new normal’—a regular routine with only moments of these feelings. There are too many little consolations that show me that God is at work for me to not know His hand is in all of this. Little blessings such as me not having experienced any symptoms of this disease, Scott Thomas just happening to be at my house because of Johnny’s death, and me just happening to ask him about the lumps, Scott getting my lab work results early on a Sunday morning and the top cancer doctor in the area just happening to be standing in the hall when he walked out of the lab. (Scott hadn’t seen him in months and the doctor is only is ‘on call’ once every nine weeks), this cancer doctor just happening to have an opening for me the next day…..etc. These things aren’t just happening. They are happening for a purpose.

I initially shot at God, “Why NOW? Why not in 20 years? I have 9 children to raise, a new baby to nurse and care for, home schooling to do and a school board to sit on and a speech to give at my alma mater college next month.” I am coming to realize that it is precisely because I have 9 children to raise, a new baby to nurse and care for, home schooling to do and a school board to sit on and a speech to give at my alma mater college next month that God gave this to me now. Why? I can only speculate, but I know that this experience will somehow transform and enrich all others. I just don’t know exactly how.

Do I want this? Absolutely, positively NO! Do I accept this? Yes.

Each New Year I pray and try to think of a theme for the year, something I think God is trying to help me learn. One year the word was ‘Listen’. Another year the word was ‘Pray’ . This year, ironically, the word was ‘Trust’. The first step for me was ‘letting go’ to an epidural for the birth of Angela. I thought that was the big step. It was only the beginning.

When Scott Thomas stood at my front door with a bag of Panera bagels and the news of my disease, I wanted to tell him to take his stupid bagels and go home. I didn’t want his bagels; I didn’t want his sympathy, and I certainly didn’t want the lab results he was about to give me.

I told mom in the car on Monday, on the way home from chemo, “I feel like Jonah and I DON’T want to go to Nineveh.” She laughed and said I didn’t have a choice. Jonah ran away, ended up in the belly of a whale and still had to go to Nineveh. I could bypass the whale thing by cooperating. It could be fruitful if I cooperated.

(Continued tomorrow)

John reconciles before he departs

Sometimes you hear things you just can't believe. Two days before Johnny was killed, we were all together at the Nolan house to celebrate Sam's First Holy Communion (for more on that, see May 4 post) Here is a note from Denis Nolan relating an incident that happened that day:

"Just one minute ago I learned something beautiful (that confirms everything you said). I had told the Ryal?s who live next door to feel free to come over for to the party for Sam?s First Holy Communion Sunday. At that party Johnny happened to be sitting at the picnic table next to Dan Ryal...a senior at St. Joseph High School. At one point he asked to see Dan?s cell phone to see what numbers he had stored there. Johnny noticed the number of a girl who he had gone to grade school with and who he had been mean to, Danielle Ferraro. He asked Dan if he could call her, which he did. Immediately Johnny asked her forgiveness for how he had treated her when they had been in school together....and then, Dan tells me, they had what appeared to be a very nice conversation together for several minutes!"

Any help, however small, is greatly appreciated!

On June 24-26, Holy Cross College will be hosting our Catholic Youth Conference for high school kids and their parents. This event promises to be a powerful weekend for the participants. It will be conducted in the spirit of John Paul the Great who called for a New Evangelization. We've got top notch speakers like Catholic evangelist Jesse Romero, First Lady of Notre Dame football Maura Weis, and Notre Dame kicker / punter D.J. Fitzpatrick. Bishop D'Arcy will be celebrating the closing Mass. For lots more details, click on the logo above. Be sure to read the speaker bios. You might get a kick out of some of them. Lou Paiz, the leader of the hugely successful Antioch youth group in Mishawaka is collaborating with us on this event.

To pull this off properly, we still need some help. We need:

1. Your prayers. Between now and the end of the conference, could you please remember this intention in your daily prayers.

2. More participants. Can you send us some high school kids with or without their parents and youth groups? We need bigger numbers!

3. Volunteers to staff the weekend. We need chaperones, group leaders, logistical helpers, etc. If you are willing to do this, please let me know by phone or e-mail. Thanks to Scott and Karen who are already signed up.

4. Financial Aid to help defray the cost for needy students. Lots of kids would like to come, but the $135 fee prevents them. Our cost is the lowest of which I am aware for an overnight national summer youth conference. In addition to federal income tax deductions, Indiana residents receive back half of whatever they give to HCC on their Indiana tax returns. The state refund is capped at $200. For instance, a gift of $400 would result in a $200 state refund plus the federal tax benefit If your federal tax rate is around 30%, then you save another $120. That means a donation of $80 results in a benefit to our conference of $400! For mailing address and check payable, please see the registration page on the website.

Besides being important in itself, I'm guessing that the success or failure of the summer conference might play a significant role in determining whether I can continue in this line of work. I really love my work so I'm hoping it will work out.

By the way, the cool logo was designed by Mike Murphy. The excellent website was created by Nick Marino. Thanks to Cheryl and Lisa for marrying into some real talent!

Joseph Casimir Timberlake?

Weird that Justin Timberlake looks just like Joey. Or is it that Joey looks just like Justin Timberlake? Hmmmm. Let’s just hope that Joey doesn’t cause any wardrobe malfunctions!

Happy Birthday John Paul the Great!

Born May 18, 1920

He became pope in the aftermath of Vatican II.
His work was to teach us how to properly implement the council.

He did.

In addition, he did the following:
104 International Trips

129 countries visited

723,800 miles traveled (30 times the circumference of the earth)

14 Encyclicals

15 Apostolic Exhortations

11 Apostolic Constitutions

44 Apostolic Letters

30 Motu Proprio

Over 20,000 speeches, messages and homilies including

3,288 Planned speeches during Apostolic Voyages

Beatified 1,338 Blesseds

Canonized 482 Saints

231 Cardinals Created

321 Bishops Ordained

1,501 people baptized

More than 1,600 audiences and meetings with political figures

1,161 General Audiences with

17,675,800 people present

3rd longest pontificate in history after Pius IX and St. Peter himself

9,497 days as Pope

40,000 + hours in prayer as pope

Published at least 4 best selling books

Supervised the writing of the Universal Catechism

Reformed Canon Law

Helped bring down Communism
Fostered tens of thousands of vocations
Touched hundreds of millions of lives
And made a great apple strudel – okay, just kidding about this one.

Not a bad legacy…

Novena for Theresa - Day 9

Prayer for Healing Through the intercession of John Paul the Great

Almighty God, Father, Son and Spirit, all life and goodness comes from you. We praise you and thank you for Who You are. We entrust all our joys and sufferings - indeed our very lives - to You. We trust in your love and mercy and we ask, through the intercession of Pope John Paul the Great, that You completely heal our sister Theresa Thomas from all illness, especially any Hodgkins lymphoma and attendant complications from which she is suffering. We ask that always and everywhere Your Will be done and we thank you for answering this and all our requests with your love and mercy. Alleluia. Amen.

Today is Pope John Paul's Birthday. If you missed the beginning of this novena and would still like to pray it, today would be good day to begin.

Karol Wojtlya

Every life
No matter how great
No matter how accomplished
Always begins obscurely
Quietly
As a child.

Let us pray for our children and love them with everything we have.

Update on Cheryl from Mike Murphy

Mike posted this as a comment below, but its so far down I'm afraid people may not see it.

"Thank you for the prayers, as they appear to be working. Due to an elevated blood pressure, among other concerns, the doctors were not going to let Cheryl carry the baby through the end of last week. But thankfully, the last doctor's appointment showed a marked return to normal and we are now happily waiting for baby Murphy to make an arrival whenever God wills it. We'll keep you posted.

Novena for Theresa - Day 8

Prayer text can be found in yesterday's entry.

Life in my galaxy

Exhibit A: Joseph's birthday party. Pictured from left to right: Jen Tiller, William Tiller, Lucy Swick, Fr. Kevin Russeau, csc, Abe Swick, Joseph Swick, Karen Swick, Sophie Tiller, Scott Swick.

Somehow, when I was least expecting it, my house became a dangerous battleground between opposing sides of the Force. I don't know exactly when it happened, but battle is certainly being waged. For instance, note the Evil Empire's TIE-Fighters hovering around Fr. Kevin's head (who by the way is dressed in colors very similar to Darth Vader) as he arrives on the scene. Note also the light saber being wielded by Lucy. Note the bright light above Karen's head, quietly symbolizing the side of the Force to which she gives allegiance. Note the color of little William Tiller's shirt - the same color as Yoda! Coincidence? I think not!

This is not funny. There are light saber battles almost daily. Rebel fighters fly secret missions around the living room. Despite my pleading to the contrary, Margy continues to insist upon the boys' Monday - Wednesday - Friday after school Jedi training. To further encourage things, Chef Dan has apparently sent Margy some addictive internet Star Wars Lego videos which the kids ask for constantly. I'm worried that its not a very safe environment for the little ones - after all, they are directly engaging the deadly forces of evil on a routine basis. But for now it seems that this will continue.

The result of this is that in our house, Star Wars movie quotes are ubiquitous - even from four year old Jospeh. Its not uncommon for phrases like "I find your lack of faith disturbing," and "I've got a bad feeling about this," to be used seamlessly by the boys, er - padawans, at the dinner table. Never in million years did I think my home would come to resemble a geeky science fiction convention. Margy even checked the optional midichlorian-testing box in the hospital when Meg was born. (Note to friends: midichlorian testing is NOT covered by most insurance plans. Note to anyone normal enough to not have a clue as to what a midichlorian is: Why don't you Google it and learn by reading the more than 36,800 entries on the web.) My one consolation in it all?

At least they are not Trekkies. Now those people are weird!

May the Force be with you.

Novena for Theresa - Day 7

Note Theresa has chemotherapy today - sometime in the morning.

Prayer for Healing Through the intercession of John Paul the Great

Almighty God, Father, Son and Spirit, all life and goodness comes from you. We praise you and thank you for Who You are. We entrust all our joys and sufferings - indeed our very lives - to You. We trust in your love and mercy and we ask, through the intercession of Pope John Paul the Great, that You completely heal our sister Theresa Thomas from all illness, especially any Hodgkins lymphoma and attendant complications from which she is suffering. We ask that always and everywhere Your Will be done and we thank you for answering this and all our requests with your love and mercy. Alleluia. Amen.

Cousin Thom Wisinski reflects on Johnny's impact upon his life

Johnny and Mary in Poland.

We Kloskas were both touched and surprised that Bill and Thom Wisinski flew in from Dallas on Saturday to attend Johnny's funeral. They arrived just before the funeral began and left immediately afterwards. What prompted such effort and devotion? Read on...

Johnny! by Thom Wisinski
Johnny was not born a Kloska but became one. If you are reading this you must know of the Kloskas and their family. Johnny was loved as any other family member because he was a family member. As the Kloskas do, if you are even a neighbor, you are family.

After moving to Texas and as time went by, I ashamedly kept less in touch with my relatives although constantly asked my parents who was doing what. Although I love all of my relatives, I admired Johnny. Johnny was the little engine “that could”. He had some tough times and had a lot of good times. Everyone loved Johnny. It was hard not to. To me, Johnny represented me but 20 years younger. 20 years ago I was doing the same thing he was. I was telling everyone my goodbyes as I was going off to the service of this country. My only worry was that something would happen to him in the service in these times of war.

I look back at my own life and the many people that inspire me to advance in my endeavors to succeed. Johnny is a member of that group. This group also consists of GWB, JPII, my dear friend Gabi and her parents, Cardinal Georg Sterzinsky, Fr. Sean Martin, Uncle Irv, and Johnny. I don’t care who you are, Johnny had a spot in your heart. Johnny, to me, represented me.

Make no mistake, this is a tragedy. We are all reading this because this is a tragedy. Tragedies exist because we love and care for those struck down in their prime of life. We categorize events like these as tragedies because we love those who have passed and had expectations for them and saw that these were achievable even though they may not have seen them.

Johnny, I will miss you but never forget you. I will never forget to tell me infant children about you. I promise that I will always remember the little train that could and pass that on as far as I can. You have inspired us. Man judges their life by how they’ve made a difference in anyone. Johnny, you made a difference in me. The tragedy is ours not Johnny’s, but ours. The tragedy is we will never see what potential Johnny had because he had so much potential that we’ll never see. It is truly our tragedy! I love you Johnny and I’ll miss you with all of my heart!

Novena for Theresa - Day 6

See prayer entered on Friday.

Brandon Berry - Rest in Peace

Brandon Berry and his devoted mother, Beth

Many of you remember Sweet Brums' little brother from the Big Brother / Big Sister program. He was in a car accident in 2002 and suffered severe brain damage. Well, he had been rehabilitating and was making slow progress. He was able to recognize people and even utter a few sentences like "I love you" and "Hi." He laughed out loud when Craig told him that he had named his youngest son Leo. Why? Because Brandon had a dog named Leo. Even in his debilitated state, he could still dish it out.

Well, Brandon took a turn for the worse and died on Thursday (see headline link). Beth has been a very devoted mother and advocate for her son. Craig has been a very loyal friend and mentor.

I was at Beth's house last night and we were going through old pictures. We came across one of Craig, Marta, Margy, Joey, Brandon, Johnny, and Danielle Bies (Margy's friend) all on the field after Lou Holtz's last game at Notre Dame. Johnny and Brandon were by far the youngest in the group and they were standing right next to each other. Strange that both met with a similar tragic fate.

The May Crowning

Grandpa, MaryClare and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Every May, Grandpa Kloska asks one of his grandchildren to crown the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary that sits in the backyard grotto of the Kloska family home. This year, MaryClare Swick had the honor of performing the coronation.

MaryClare Crowns Our Lady at the Kloska Family Grotto in Elkhart.